Can we start over again?
by Tania Hylian
Summary: Love is a funny thing; one day you feel like you couldn't possibly live without someone, and then, for one reason or another, you just stop loving them. And yet... I never thought she'd actually agree to my sudden request. But now she's out every Sunday all day, possibly with some other girl, and I just can't take it anymore. I wish there was something I could do to fix this.


**Can we start over again?**

Love is a funny thing; one day you feel like you couldn't possibly live without someone, and then, for some reason or another, you just stop loving them.

Still, she took it a little too well for my taste. She didn't even protest, she didn't ask questions or demand an explanation for my sudden, and possibly unreasonable, request. She just said "okay" in an almost scarily calmed tone of voice and then retired to the guest room.

At first I thought she was in shock, and that she'd start yelling at me the next morning, but… no, that wasn't the case. Two months have passed since then, and in all that time she's only talked to me when it was absolutely necessary. She's moved all her things to the guest room, and assured me she's already looking for an apartment. She hasn't even tried to kiss me. She hasn't said "I love you" even once. She hasn't cried. And the worst of all… she disappears every Sunday. By the time I wake up she's already gone and when she comes back late at night she looks exhausted. She won't even answer when I ask where she's been, and that hurts. That hurts because… Sundays were _my_ day.

Elsa works six days a week, 12 to 16 hours a day. She's the regional director for this division of her company, so that's why she's always working. Granted, she makes a ton of money, but I still always thought she shouldn't have a job that exploits her like that.

It wasn't always like this; when we met, and eventually started dating, she wasn't the boss and would generally have more time for me. But just before we got married, she was promoted to her current position. At first I didn't mind; the extra money helped us pay for our new house, a new car and all the things a newly-wed couple has to pay for, like furniture and vacations. But then… I realized that seeing her only on Sundays wasn't enough. Sure, she'd take me on dates, take me to a fancy restaurant to have dinner, and then we'd go back home to make love and fall asleep in each other's arms, which was nice and all, but still just wasn't _enough_. Not to mention, she was tired and stressed the rest of the week, and I couldn't just watch her do that to herself and do nothing.

That's when our fights started, when I asked her to request a transfer to another department, one with fewer responsibilities. She disagreed and would always kiss my worries away. But her kisses couldn't solve everything, and as more and more time passed, I started to get madder and madder at her lack of response towards my concerns. Things got even worse when she stopped taking me on dates on Sundays, and instead preferred to stay at home and watch TV or shows on Netflix.

And that's when the awful idea formed inside my head. I wasn't sure I even _liked_ the idea, but I told Elsa anyways, thinking it may finally make her react. I just wanted some sign of affirmation from her, something that showed she was actually taking my concerns seriously.

And it did, just not the way I was expecting.

Where does she go on Sundays? To work? Unlikely; she dresses too casually for that. To church? I doubt it, since she was never all that religious. To see her parents? No, her dad lives in Norway, and her mom died three years ago. Then where? And why doesn't she answer when I ask?

The answer is a little too obvious, isn't it? And painful.

She's seeing someone else. That's the conclusion I came to after crossing out all the other possibilities.

And I know she has the right to do so, now that I've requested the divorce and our relationship is technically over, but… if she's _indeed_ with someone else now, I have a feeling she was seeing them even before I suggested ending our relationship. Why? Because that would explain why she didn't protest when I said I wanted a divorce, and why as soon as that was established, she started disappearing on Sundays. She didn't even wait a week; the very next day after I told her, she was off to that mysterious somewhere before I could even get up (granted I woke up around midday because I had spent the whole night crying).

I know I shouldn't care. I know I should just let her do what she wants, forget about it and move on with my life, since she'll be out of it soon enough. But I can't. I can't because it hurts. I can't because, as silly as it is, I still love her. So much.

And maybe that's why I'm here today, in my car, following Elsa's blue Volvo in hopes of seeing where she goes.

First she stops outside a flower shop, and comes out a while later with a huge bucket of red flowers. My heart clenches painfully at the sight because I know those aren't for me; she knows I don't really like roses and instead prefer sunflowers, and that's why for my birthday she'd always bring me a bucket of those. So no, those flowers aren't for me; they are for the lucky girl that stole my Elsa from me.

After that I follow her around town, careful to keep my distance so she won't see me. I also somehow manage to hold back my tears; if I started crying I'd be forced to pull over and wouldn't be able to follow her anymore. I know I'm acting like the crazy stalking ex-wife, but I don't care. I want the truth, no matter how painful it may be.

* * *

Finally, after what feels like an hour but is probably less time, she parks her car and I do the same, but a few feet away so she won't spot me. I watch her pass through a gate, and wait for a few seconds before getting out of my car and following her.

I stop at the entrance to glance at the letters on the sign above the gate. Graveyard, it reads. And suddenly I don't feel jealousy anymore; just guilt. Guilt that I ever doubted Elsa. I should have known she wasn't a cheater. She just doesn't have it in her.

I know I should stop following her now and go home; that's the right thing to do. But… I can't. Curiosity wins over because, ever since I met her, she hasn't been to this graveyard even once. She always said her mother wouldn't have wanted her to live in the past and that she'd feel bad knowing she was buried there, out of her reach. Plus, she'd say, the dead can't see us, or hear us; they don't know we're there, so there's no point in visiting. I always thought it was also too painful for her and she preferred to spare herself the heartache.

Yet, despite all of that, here she is, in the place she'd swore many times she wouldn't visit.

I know what I'm doing is wrong even as I make my way trough the tombstones, but I can't bring myself to stop. I want to know why she's had the sudden urge to come here. Hopefully, my questions will be answered today.

Suddenly, she stops before a tombstone. I can't see the name written in it, but I know it's her mom's. It has to be; no other important person in her life has died.

I hide behind a bush not too far from where she is, so I can see what she's doing and hopefully also hear if she says anything. First, she very carefully places the bucket over the tomb and takes the old one in her hands, the once beautiful flowers already withered. She then stays silent for a few seconds before speaking so quietly I almost don't hear her.

"Hey Mom." She says, then swallowing as she always does when she's unsure about what to say next. "It's me again. I… I hope you don't mind the company. That is, if you can even mind anything at all." She mutters the last part.

"I just need to tell someone about my problems, and don't really have anyone else. At least no one I would trust with something like this, and you… well, you are a good listener." She chuckles bitterly. "I trust you already know what this is about? Exactly the same as the past Sundays, of course." She runs her left hand trough her bangs as she says the next word. "Anna." She sighs, casting the gaze to the floor, her voice cracking with pain.

"She didn't say good morning to me all week." She says with a voice so full of agony, I literally feel a dagger in my heart. I didn't even notice I did that to her. It wasn't conscious. "Instead, she just acknowledged me with a curt nod before continuing eating breakfast." She makes a grimace, one of those meant to hide the fact she's about to cry. Truth to be told, I think I may cry too; just seeing the effect such a little action has on Elsa is very painful for me to watch.

"I remember when she'd greet me with a smile and a kiss, and then cheerfully tell me about her day, or an interesting conversation she had, or whatever. She could talk about anything and everything for hours, and I was happy just listening to every word she said." She pauses, smiling sadly. "It's funny how the smallest things are the ones we miss the most."

I place my right hand over my heart, clutching tightly my shirt. I feel my tender organ breaking for her when I hear those words, and I find myself missing those small, meaningless things too. Like the way her eyes would light up when I told her I had made pancakes for breakfast, or the tender way she'd kiss me just before she left for work, how she looked at me with such love and adoration… gods, I think I'm going to cry.

"How did you do it?" She then asks. "How did you manage to move on from dad? I know you loved him as much as I love Anna, and yet you were the one who requested the divorce." She sighs. "I really wished you could answer me, you know? I need some motherly advice right now."

She falls silent after that, resorting to playing with the withered petals of the old roses, and for a moment I think that was the end of the 'conversation'. But then she sits down, putting the bucket next to her and hugging her legs. Somehow, this makes her look even more vulnerable as she speaks again.

"I always knew it wouldn't last." She says with a small voice. "Ever since we started dating, I knew it was only temporary." She then laughs bitterly. "Even as we said our vows at the altar, I knew it wasn't death that would eventually separate us." She blinks a few times, sniffing as she tries to hold back her tears, but it's useless, and soon she's openly crying.

I want to go to her, hold her and whisper sweet words to her ear until she eventually stops crying, but I don't know if that would be appreciated or even accepted; I'm responsible for her suffering after all, and I'm invading her privacy, so… no, I better stay here. I don't want to cause her any more suffering.

"I've always been too much like dad." She continues between sobs. "Cold, distant, too rational, with a tendency to ignore my feelings and run away from my problems." She wipes her tears with the back of her hand. "Maybe that's why it wasn't such a surprise when Anna said she wanted a divorce; she's sweet, beautiful, smart, caring… she could have anyone she wants, and she definitely deserves someone better than me." She draws in a shuddering breath. "It doesn't hurt any less though."

When I hear her words, an old feeling of anger and hurt starts boiling within me. I remember when I first met her, the depressive insecure woman that thought she didn't even deserve the clothes she was wearing. She had a tendency to beat herself up for everything, always saying bad things about herself like they were absolutely true; saying "No one would ever want to be with me" as one would say "The sky is blue". It had taken many long and honest, serious talks with her, reassuring her and making her see her best qualities, before she finally stopped belittling herself. Well, at least I thought she'd stopped doing it. Apparently not. Apparently, her old insecurities are the reason she didn't even question my decision to end our relationship; it was all too clear for her.

In her mind, she never even deserved to be with me in the first place, so it was just a matter of time before I decided to move on and find someone better. But of course that's not true at all. If anything _I_ am the one that doesn't deserve her; I should have realized what was going on in her mind, instead of letting her suffer alone as I wondered if she was cheating on me.

Well, that's it. I've caused her too much pain already, and I don't want to be responsible for her tears anymore. I was supposed to love her and protect her from any harm and I failed once. I won't fail her again.

I get up from behind the bush and walk decidedly towards the crying and frail form of Elsa. She doesn't hear me or doesn't care, however; she just keeps crying with her face hidden on her knees. Swallowing my fear and apprehension in favor of easing Elsa's pain, I reach out and place my left hand over her shoulder to make her aware of my presence. Instantly, she flinches and looks up, her eyes widening when she recognizes me just before she jumps up, almost falling in the process, but steading herself in time.

"A-Anna?" She asks with a trembling voice as she desperately tries to erase any trace of her crying. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd come. Y-you have a relative buried here? I'm sorry. I-I… I'll go now." She stutters nervously all of this, showing for the first time in months how insecure she truly feels about herself. She thinks her presence here bothers me. She thinks I'm mad at her for being here, when in truth it should be the other way around.

"Elsa, it's okay." I say, raising up my hands in a placating manner.

"N-no. I really should go now. I don't want to intrude." She answers, taking a step back in an attempt to run away, but I know how to deal with Elsa's tendency to escape, and so I rush to grab her hand, not even realizing what I've done until she looks down at our joined hands and her eyes widen.

This is probably the first time we've touched each other since that awful night, when I ruined everything, and I can see she's surprised but not upset; she likes the touch, no matter how small it is, because it's better than nothing. I know because I feel the same.

"Anna…" She starts, but before she can say anything else, I pretty much throw myself at her, hugging her so tightly my arms hurt, but I don't care. We've been distant for too long, and I know how much she loves warm hugs. If it was up to me, I'd never let go of her ever again.

"I'm sorry." I sob into her shoulder. "I'm sorry I caused you so much pain, Elsa. Please forgive me."

A few tense seconds pass, and Elsa doesn't hug me back, nor does she say a word. For a moment I fear I made a mistake; maybe she's too angry with me for making her go through all of that, or maybe she realized what a terrible wife I truly am. Just before I start freaking out though, she finally breaks the silence.

"… How much did you hear?" She asks.

"Enough." I answer with a whimper. This is the part where she tells me to mind my own business and stop getting into the personal life of others. I totally deserve it.

Despite my fears, however, she just sighs.

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I'm a grown up woman. Divorces happen all the time; I'll get over it." She says all this with a monotone tone, but I can hear it in the slight waver of her voice; she dreads this divorce as much as I do.

"I don't feel sorry for you." I reply defensively, but then realize what I said and rush to correct myself. "Well, I do. I'm sorry you think so little of yourself. I'm sorry my words hurt you and contributed to your fears and insecurities. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt I love you." I pause, looking up into her deep blue eyes. Our faces are so close. I just want to tilt my head slightly upwards and kiss her lips, but I contain myself; I can't kiss her yet. Not until I'm absolutely sure she wants it.

"Can you forgive me? I promise I'll be the best wife ever from now own. I mean, I'd still ask you to request your transfer to another post where you don't have to overwork yourself, and I'd still want to spend more time with you. But I do recognize that compromise is needed, on my end as well as yours. It's not like we can always agree on everything all the time after all. We could even go to couples therapy if that's what's necessary. Just… don't leave me. I don't want to lose you, Elsa. _Ever_."

"So… you don't want to go through the divorce anymore?" She asks, confused and unsure, but also… there's something in her voice that wasn't there before: hope. I rush to explain myself.

"I never wanted the divorce. I was just sick that you kept ignoring me. I thought that if I pushed you, threatened our relationship, you'd react and finally start to seriously think about trying to solve our problems. But then… you just agreed, and…" I pause, trying to hide the pain on my voice, but failing as tears start falling down my cheeks in unstoppable torrents. "A-and I thought you didn't love me anymore."

Realization finally downs on her face, and suddenly her arms wrap firmly around my waist, finally hugging me back as she looks at me with a mixture of guilt and sorrow. It isn't long before she speaks again, this time sounding like she's about to cry once more.

"I-I'm sorry. I've never stopped loving you, and I definitely don't want to leave you. I just thought that's what you wanted, and I intended to respect that decision." She casts down her gaze in a sad manner as tears start falling from her eyes too. "I understand I can be a little too much to deal with sometimes."

"Hey." I say soothingly as I take her face between my hands and carefully wipe her tears with my thumbs, caressing her skin so tenderly it almost seems I'm scared I'll break her if I as much as touch her the wrong way. Maybe I am. I now realize how fragile Elsa still is. "I'd chose to have to 'deal' with you over losing you any day."

"Really?" She asks with a little smile finally adorning her features, and I nod as answer.

"Really." I say before leaning in and kissing her tenderly on the lips.

I won't say that was the best kiss I've ever had, or the most perfect, or the most sweet. It was salty with our tears, tentative because we hadn't kissed in months, and unsure because some doubts still lingered in our minds, but… I know I'll treasure that kiss for the rest of my life, because it signaled the start of what seems to be the second part of our story as a couple. Hopefully this time we won't make so many mistakes, and if we do, we'll solve them instead of running away from them. Hopefully our trust will grow, and so will our happiness. We'll learn from this experience and grow as people together, and maybe even finally start hearing out each other before jumping into conclusions on our own.

Maybe, just maybe, we'll be even better off than before.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi! Thanks for reading this little one-shot, I really hoped you liked it, and if you do, please leave a review or fav/follow. I appreciate all the support you can give me :)**

 **And to my usual readers I'll say… I know I should be working on my other stories instead of doing one-shots, but this idea kinda just popped up in my head and I had to write it before I forgot about it (even if that meant not sleeping that night XP).**

 **Thanks again for reading, and thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.**


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